My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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