First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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