Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My balls are so social today.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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