I need to stop coming to work sober
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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