TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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