i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
