I have demons in me.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
