So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
