is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
