TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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