I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
is wine microwaveable?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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