meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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