Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
