I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
