I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
