I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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