my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
