forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
