Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's always time for handjobs
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
