I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
