5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
