i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He has the fingertips of a God
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