youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think my moral compass just broke
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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