Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
