I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
