You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
