also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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