all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
