What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
