In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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