I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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