Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
