you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
