Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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