Do you still have your period?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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