I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
