So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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