i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
