Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
