Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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