my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
