I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
