oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my sisters under your porch take her home
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
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