They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
