Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
