mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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