I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
