I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
