too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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