don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
