Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
