Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
