he wants to bone in the snuggie
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
