Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
