i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
