if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
