My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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